July 10-16

If you prefer to listen over reading an article, keep an eye on Autumn Dickson on YouTube or various podcast platforms. I post video and podcast versions of my blog posts on my Youtube channel and on the podcast platforms: Apple, Anchor, Breaker, Google Podcasts, and Spotify.

Looking for a different week in the Come Follow Me program? Check out this link to find posts by week: https://autumndickson.com/category/come-follow-me/ 

The story of Paul’s conversion is a miraculous one. It has been often stated that his conversion is rather atypical, and that we shouldn’t compare our own path of conversion to Paul’s because of the speed in which it occurs. I actually have a slightly different theory when it comes to Paul and his quick conversion, and it more readily fits into the paradigms of what we understand about conversion. 

What is conversion?

In order to more fully understand the change that occurred in Paul, it is important to understand what conversion really is. 

Conversion is when we are changed by the atonement to become like Christ. According to “Gospel Topics,” it is gradual and quiet. It goes beyond changing our behavior, though behavioral changes can happen before and after conversion. In order to better understand it, let’s put it in the context of an actual person. 

When we are brought into our mortal lives, we experience new sensations, cravings, and temptations. It is very normal to have those appetites when we’ve never personally felt them before. I watch this happen with my kids all the time. As their understanding grows, I watch them face new challenges. I actually often blame difficult phases on these shifts in understanding. For example, when a toddler suddenly experiences the feeling of ownership, it is very easy to see a big shift in behavior. They are experiencing what the scriptures call the “natural man.” The natural man is simply experiencing new sensations that come with a physical body.

Conversion occurs when our natural man turns into a spiritual one, and it is important to separate the behavior from the actual conversion. It is more than a toddler being forced to share what they “own.” Conversion is when the toddler grows up and learns about responsibility, the joy of giving, and the peace that comes with being selfless. The toddler is taught to share and give, to take care of what they have. Those behaviors start to bring good feelings, and it is those good feelings that eventually change the person. They realize that true happiness doesn’t lie in owning, but in being selfless. As they change, their behavior likewise gets better. This becomes an upward cycle of conversion and after lots and lots and lots of time, they no longer experience the cravings of ownership because they know better. They have changed. Behavior can push conversion along. Behavior is also a sign that conversion may have occurred, but behavior and conversion are not the same thing. 

The atonement of Jesus Christ likewise plays a role in this change, though we don’t fully understand those mechanisms. 

Anyone can experience conversion. The Jew who forgave the Nazi, the atheist who tries to do as much good as they can, and the Muslim that worships God in heaven and sincerely seeks His will are all people who are experiencing the process of conversion. According to our beliefs, this conversion is happening by the process of Christ’s atonement even if they don’t know it. We also believe that the gift of the Holy Ghost, given by the priesthood, can expand and quicken the process of conversion. However, the gift of the Holy Ghost is not necessarily an indication that one has even started the process of conversion. Not to mention, there are a million good people out there who are extremely Christlike even if they would describe it as something else. Conversion is about a change in one’s nature, and it is a gift that is available to all of God’s children regardless of religion.

Saul’s conversion

When we look at the story of Saul, it would definitely appear that his conversion happened rapidly. One second, he’s throwing Christians into prison. He is literally on his way to go and arrest people in Damascus to further prevent the spread of Christianity because Damascus is such a critical juncture in society. It is on the way to Damascus that Saul receives a vision of Jesus Christ and learns that he is kicking against the pricks. It is this one event that many people attribute as Saul’s conversion. 

However, there is a piece of me that believes Saul’s conversion didn’t happen right there on the road to Damascus. His conversion had been happening for a long time before this personally critical juncture. I believe this because of one verse. The Lord tells Saul that he’s on the wrong path, and this is how Saul responds.

Acts 9:6 And he trembling and astonished said, Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? And the Lord said unto him, Arise, and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must do.

“What wilt thou have me to do?” This event was not the conversion of Paul; it was a redirect. Compare Paul’s experience with that of Laman and Lemuel. Laman and Lemuel are beating their brother with a rod. An angel appears and tells them to cut it out. They stop. The angel leaves. Then Laman and Lemuel complain about having to go get the records of Laban because Laban has an army. This is vastly different from how Paul reacted. 

Paul’s immediate response is, “What do You want me to do?” That kind of response is not something that occurs in an instant. It is my opinion that Paul was persecuting Christians because he believed that he was saving the souls of others. He was sincere in his faith. That’s not to say that there wasn’t regret and repentance that came with the harm that he caused others, but we can’t judge Paul by today’s standards. The world was far less tolerant then. He was raised on the Law of Moses for crying out loud. I’m sure he felt agony over his past mistakes and had to work through those, but the Savior reached out to Paul because He knew that Paul was trying to do what was right. Or at least that’s what I believe.

In the institute manual for the New Testament, we find this quote from David O. McKay: 

“Perhaps during those few days of comparative leisure, [Saul] began to wonder whether what he was doing was right or not. Perhaps the shining face of the dying Stephen and the martyr’s last prayer began to sink more deeply into his soul than it had done before. Little children’s cries for their parents whom Saul had bound began to pierce his soul more keenly, and make him feel miserably unhappy as he looked forward to more experiences of that kind in Damascus. Perhaps he wondered whether the work of the Lord, if he were really engaged in it, would make him feel so restless and bitter.”

I will make a disclaimer again. This is all personal theory. Only the Lord knew the true status of Paul’s heart, but it makes sense. It makes sense that the Lord would send that kind of vision when He so often chooses not to. It makes sense that Paul’s immediate response was to do the will of the Lord. It’s not because the conversion was immediate but because his existing conversion was applied to the right path.

Implications

This has interesting implications for what we believe about ourselves, our church, and others. 

I remember having a conversation with a friend of another faith who believes that the Lord doesn’t require any action from us. In the same conversation, she professed that murderers and rapists would go to heaven if they believed in Christ and then condemned the neighbor across the street who had seemed so kind but was *audible gasp* an atheist. Literally makes no sense to me, but I also concede that she is sincerely following what she believes Christ expects of her. 

Who is really “better”: the believing and purposefully-rebellious murderer or the good-natured atheist? 

We wholeheartedly believe that the atonement of Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven. We believe that you can’t make it to heaven without accepting Jesus as Christ. We believe that priesthood ordinances are necessary and commanded by our Father in Heaven, and we believe we have that proper priesthood authority.

But we also believe that the atonement is as available to all of Heavenly Father’s children to the very extent that they are willing to accept it. That means that even if they do not yet recognize the necessity of the atonement, they are very likely still accessing it (They are definitely accessing it if they are changing into better people.). It means the conversion is so much deeper than baptism by proper authority. The baptism is necessary, but so is the conversion. So who’s really in a better spot? The unconverted person who has been correctly baptized or the converted person who does not yet know baptism? That is an extremely circumstance-based question so I’m not actually going to answer it, but I ask it to teach a point. 

Do we see others clearly? Do we recognize their goodness even in the midst of other flaws that are more traditionally looked down on because they’re more apparent? Do we see ourselves clearly? It’s very easy to believe that Paul had some massive change of heart in an instant, but I believe it’s far more probable that Paul simply had a redirect. Understanding the difference between a redirect and conversion is essential to seeing ourselves and others clearly.

I’m grateful for a Savior from Whom all good things come, any good change of heart. I’m grateful that He works with all mankind regardless of baptismal status. I’m grateful that He teaches and coaxes and gives light to anyone who is trying to be a better person, and I’m grateful that I can ask Him to help me see myself clearly.