October 23-29

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Childbearing can be a sensitive topic. There are many out there who wish for this gift, and talking about it can bring up some really hard feelings to deal with. I understand if there are some who would rather find their message elsewhere this week.

But despite it being a hard topic, it is an important one to discuss. It is central to the Plan of Salvation, and it is a blessing that is eventually offered to all of Heavenly Father’s righteous children. We need to talk about it. I will be speaking about motherhood and personal experience a lot in this post, but I believe the principles can be extended to all of us. Motherhood is not just childbearing; it is a naturally nurturing characteristic of women. The blessings I talk about in relation to motherhood also extend to fatherhood. They extend to all who choose to live their lives in this manner regardless of whether they have a child in their home.

In a letter to Timothy, Paul talks about childbearing.

1 Timothy 2:14-15 

14 And Adam was not deceived but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

Paul was writing to Timothy because Timothy was a leader in the church. His letter includes counsel on a great many topics, and I’m sure there were specific reasons for why Paul included this in his correspondence. I’m not sure that the message I share today was what Paul had on his mind, but it is a message that struck me when I read the phrase, “she shall be saved in childbearing.”

It was interesting to me how Paul phrased this. He talked about how the fall was brought onto the earth when Eve was deceived. He could have said something like, “We all have fallen natures but if we continue in the faith, we can be saved.” However, he specifically mentioned that “she” shall be saved in childbearing.  What does he mean by that? Surely childbearing is one of the processes by which Heavenly Father sends His children to earth so they can obtain bodies and experience greater happiness, but was there something specific Paul was referring to? I’m not sure, but I can share the message I heard when I read it.

Experiencing love

She shall be saved in childbearing. It doesn’t say that she will be saved despite childbearing. It doesn’t say that she will be saved just by continuing in the faith. It specifically mentions that she will be saved in childbearing. I believe that one of the arguments for salvation in childbearing comes from the fact that we experience more love, an integral ingredient to salvation.

This is an extremely offensive sentiment to many, but I believe it to be absolutely true. The definition of “saved” to me is experiencing heaven through the atonement of Jesus Christ, and part of feeling heaven is feeling love. Having children increases the love we feel, and therefore, increases heaven.

I have conversations with a dear friend (not of our faith) about all sorts of life topics and our different beliefs. There were two specific conversations we had at different times that only served to further my deeply entrenched beliefs that parenting is the most sacred calling we can have.

The first conversation’s importance relates to one comment made by my friend. As I spoke about the importance of families in the Plan of Salvation, she asked me about women who chose to never have children. I asked her about her thoughts on the topic, and she specifically stated that she believed women who chose to not engage in childbearing could be just as happy, fulfilled, and righteous.

I agree with this to an extent. I believe that women (and men) who don’t have the opportunity to have children in this life have just as much chance to experience salvation as I do. If childbearing on earth was an absolute requirement of salvation, then there wouldn’t be infertility. The Lord wouldn’t deny the opportunity for salvation to anyone. Salvation may come in the form of learning to rely on the Savior while working through hard things. As for women who choose not to bear children, I’m not going to say they’re evil because they’re not. But I absolutely believe they are missing out on one of the most sacred, important, soul-stretching, joy-bringing experiences that Heavenly Father has offered to us.

The second conversation with my friend is what truly captured my attention as it related to the first. She was with a group of friends, and one of her friends announced her first pregnancy. One of the other ladies in the group congratulated her and said something along the lines of, “You never know unconditional love until you become a mother.” Another one of the friends took offense at this statement as she had decided to never become a mother.

My friend asked for my perspective on this, but I mostly just observed her own reactions to it. I found her saying things like, “Well I kinda agree with that. I didn’t know how much I could love until I became a mother, and almost all of the women I know feel the same way.” She observed some of her friends who had kids and some who didn’t. Despite the fact that she had directly affirmed her belief that women (and men) could be just as fulfilled without children, I watched her feel that this was a lie from Satan. I could see it all over her face. She had experienced parenting firsthand, and she had seen the changes that accompany parenting in many of her friends. She knew that children brought love, purpose, fulfillment, and joy. Satan would try to rob us of those gifts.

We are saved in childbearing (and adopting and teaching and nurturing children in general) in the sense that we find more love than we’ve ever experienced. We find fulfillment and purpose that wasn’t there before. 

Being stretched

There is another reason we can find salvation in childbearing. Childbearing can be one of the greatest expediting factors in salvation because of the growth it initiates. It is through the special relationship of parent and child that we find the circumstances through which we are heartily stretched to become like Christ. 

I have been a part of the church my entire life. Because of how I was raised, there were many times that I tried to be selfless and kind. But nothing, absolutely nothing, has required more of me than mothering. Day to day, hour to hour, and sometimes even minute to minute, I am called upon to take care of someone other than myself. There aren’t holidays, sick days, lunch breaks, and oftentimes bathroom breaks. Not even on my mission was I called upon to sacrifice more. Even though we could hypothetically devote every moment to someone else, I’m not sure there are many humans out there that even hold an adequate attention span to constantly focus outward. As humans, we usually (if not always) require outward circumstances to call upon us to rise to the occasion. Parenting provides this opportunity in a way that no other calling does. 

Plan of Salvation

I affirm that the Plan of Salvation hinges on a Parent who loved His children so He gave us an opportunity to learn how to love our own children. When the prophets and apostles tell us that there is no more important work than the work accomplished in the home, they mean it. Exaltation is the true purpose of earth, and there are few tools out there that match the exalting power as parenting. 

And this is true for the parent and the child. When you choose to consciously engage in parenting, it will require things of you that you didn’t even know were things. But you’re also setting up your children for eternity. When you read the research about the effects of parenting, you quickly learn that every little sacrifice builds the foundation for your child’s entire life. Responding to needs as unglamorous as diapers literally, physically builds the neural pathways in your child’s brain so that they can recognize and understand love as it is presented to them in life. Responding to needs as monotonous as peekaboo teaches your child that their needs are important and can be fulfilled, and this innate belief will serve them for their entire lives.

I know I have made many bold claims here that are diminishing in popularity. I recognize that there are parents out there who don’t feel as though they have experienced more love and growth. I recognize the crippling effects of trauma, depression, and poverty that can disallow the joy and peace I speak of. But I firmly assert that any time we take hold of the Savior’s hand and choose to parent children, we will find salvation.

I am grateful for a Savior who paid for my experience. I know that salvation was paid for by Christ. I know that He washes away my sins so that I can enjoy heaven after this opportunity for growth. I am grateful that He has given us the opportunity to taste the kind of love He has by giving us the ability to have children.