October 30-November 5

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There are a couple of verses that Paul shares with the Hebrews that I think are incredibly important to digest to the extent that they change how we feel and act. 

Hebrews 4:13, 15-16

13 Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do.

15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

The Lord is aware of all of us, and He sees us very clearly. He knows us exactly as we are, how we treat others, how often we think about ourselves, what we desire. In verse 15, Paul is simply teaching, “We don’t have a Lord who is unfeeling and scowling at us all the time; He has felt how we feel.” Because He remained without sin, He can offer grace. Paul testifies that we do not have to be afraid to approach Him and ask for help. 

I do have a testimony that we can approach the Lord very openly and ask for help even though we don’t “deserve” it, but I didn’t always have this testimony. I remember promising the Lord as a child that if He granted me a specific blessing, I would wait a whole week (or x amount of time) before I asked Him for anything else. I remember subconsciously feeling like His “no” was because I had maxed out my blessings for the month. I remember days when I hid (or refused to fully acknowledge) my flaws and sins from myself rather than just taking it straight to the Lord and being done with it. However, I have grown into a different relationship with my Savior, and I have grown into a different relationship with my issues. 

There are a couple of specific areas where my testimony has grown; these are areas that have made me feel very comfortable approaching the Savior without any misgivings. Let’s talk about three of those areas.

How He feels

I believe one of the most significant areas in which my testimony has grown surrounds the character of my Savior. When I looked at my perfect, unattainable older Brother, I simply saw my unworthiness. I saw how much I had let Him down and recognized that I had already been given more than I deserve. This isn’t inaccurate. Looking at my Savior and how He sacrificed Himself should fill me with a bigger awareness of my own small-mindedness and selfishness. Here I am throwing a hissy fit when I feel especially mistreated by my toddler, and the Savior is like, “Oh? You murdered someone? I’ll pay for that and for the trauma of the family and for your childhood trauma and I’ll resurrect the innocent one and…” It is okay and correct to recognize that we don’t actually deserve to ask for anything; He has already given us everything we have and we didn’t even earn what we’ve already been given!

However, this is only part of the truth. It is extremely true that we don’t deserve it, but it is also extremely true that the Savior wanted to do it, and He continues to want to bless us. This is what He desired. In our small, human way, we often give certain privileges to specific people that we have come to love. For some people, we are willing to put up with just about anything. When they make mistakes, we feel an overwhelming need to protect them. We see the circumstances that contributed to the mistakes. We forgive them, and we rejoice watching them grow. It doesn’t matter what it cost us because the satisfaction from watching them become better is worth it. And then there are others. Perhaps they wronged us in the past or continue to wrong us. Perhaps our personality clashes with their’s. Maybe they ask for a lot without reciprocating much. There could be a million reasons, but we can’t seem to stop rolling our eyes at them. When we talk about them, it sounds like, “I can’t believe they would…” or even, “I would just never act like that.” We are human, and it is highly likely that each of us have people that we don’t love as much as we love others.

This is not so with the Savior. When it comes to Christ, we are all in the first category. Even if you don’t feel like you should be in the first category, your Savior has a relationship with you that is built on unimaginable experiences that He remembers. He knows you better than your mother or best friend or significant other. He is unflinchingly loyal. I would even go as far as to say, He can’t help Himself. Even when we sin and betray Him, even when He turns away for our own good, He can’t help but love us. Sometimes we project human frailties onto Him, but they’re not actually there. The Lord doesn’t get annoyed when we ask for things; He may not say yes, but He isn’t upset that we approached Him. 

There is nothing He rather spend His day doing than holding your hand, leading you along, and setting up all the circumstances for you to grow. He wants to help in the same way we often wish we could take away difficulty from those we love, and it wounds Him when we won’t allow it. It makes Him sad that we would picture Him as Someone who rolls His eyes and finally acquiesces despite our unworthy nature. It was never about our unworthiness; in many ways, our unworthiness has nothing to do with how He blesses us. It is about how much He loved us. Even when He withholds a blessing or says no, it is because He loves us! It is not because we have become too needy or maxed out our limit. Every decision He makes in regards to you is based on how much He misses, adores, and loves you.

Better understanding the nature of flaws and sin

In order to approach the throne of God with boldness, I needed to learn the true nature of flaws and sin. As I came to understand the part that human frailty plays in mortal life, Satan could no longer use it against me because I knew better.

There are a couple of aspects to flaws and sin that can help us see Satan’s lies more clearly; these same aspects release us from whatever fears keep us from approaching the Lord.

One of these aspects is that imperfection was part of Heavenly Father’s perfect plan. We often talk about how the right people came into our lives at exactly the right moment when we needed them, but I believe that more often, people come into our lives so that we can bump into each other and become growing catalysts for each other. After having my first daughter and experiencing some postpartum depression, I remember bawling over and over that I would affect her negatively. I was so worried that I would make her life harder. I eventually had to learn that it was okay that I would sometimes make her life harder. She would grow (and hopefully hold enough grace to forgive me), and we would find deep satisfaction in our relationship despite the costs. Perhaps we would find even more satisfaction because of the cost. 

We will all run into each other and cause pain, knowingly or unknowingly, and Satan would have us believe that this could only amount to tragedy, but it’s simply not true. Because of Christ and what He did, all of that tragedy turns into rejoicing. It literally evolves into something beautiful: better people with more capacity for love. I am no longer afraid of my flaws and sins because I have gained a testimony that the Savior can turn them into tremendous building blocks for myself, my family, and others. They are no longer just tragedies because I’m not afraid that He will stop loving me for having them.

The Lord knows us

One of the last testimonies I have grown that have contributed to my comfortable spot at the throne of grace was learning about the Lord’s perfect judgment. 

I believe there is another way that we often project the reactions of frail humans onto the Lord. When you make a mistake, and some other equally frail human gets frustrated, it can be easy to accidentally assume that the Lord feels the same way. But just like Paul taught in verse 13, the Lord sees everything. He sees more about you than you even do because He has a perfect knowledge of how He formed our brains and how they’re affected by the world around us. 

The Lord looks at the heart. When you look at a person’s choices through the perspective of their desires, a lot of mistakes are suddenly much easier to accept (especially when you combine it with an eternal perspective). Maybe there’s a bishop who believed the wrong person. I fully recognize that this kind of mistake can cause tremendous pain, and you are allowed to accept and verbalize that pain. But it’s also important to eventually get to the point where you can recognize the integrity of the bishop. What would you have had him do? If he sincerely believed the wrong person, would you have had him go against that belief? No. What you really wish is that he had simply known better. You wish he had experienced certain circumstances that would have better prepared him. Unfortunately, maybe you had to be the person to introduce that hard lesson to him. That’s just one example, but the principles apply everywhere. I testify of a Savior who will wipe away all tears and fix everything and turn you into something magnificent using the very pain that was unjustly dealt to you. The Savior also sees you and what you were trying to accomplish even if it failed miserably.

There is a flip side to the fact that He sees us clearly, and this will affect how confidently we can approach Him. Sometimes, even when we know better, we still wish harm on others. Perhaps we are at a point in our lives where we’ve been really hurt by someone, and we want to forgive them and move past it, but we’re not there yet. If you are trying to be better, then it is easy to approach the throne of the Savior and ask for help. He will not turn you away. These are actually the moments in which He wishes to stand by you the most.

If you’re wishing harm on others and feel justified in that, then you’re probably going to run into some trouble. Imagine boldly approaching the throne of God, asking for forgiveness for your mistakes and then asking Him to rain down wrath on others for their mistakes? He loves you, and because He loves you, all He is going to try and give you is a poignant lesson about His atonement. Imagine walking slowly up to that throne, remembering all the ways you’ve caused harm. Imagine standing before the Savior who paid an unspeakable price and trying to tell Him it wasn’t enough. That kind of heart might make it harder to approach Him.

I testify of a Savior who is easily approachable. There are no hard feelings for the pain we’ve caused Him; He would happily pay it again if it meant bringing us home. He wants us home with Him. That’s why we can trust the process of turning to Him for everything and moving forward with faith that He will lead us along. Because of the grace of Christ, there is no need for shame. Guilt can play a useful part in pushing us along towards the throne of Christ to ask for help, but we do not have to hide from Him. He pleads with us not to hide from Him.