September 7-13

If you prefer to listen over reading an article, keep an eye on Autumn Dickson on YouTube or various podcast platforms. I post video and podcast versions of my blog posts on my Youtube channel and on the podcast platforms: Apple, Anchor, Breaker, Google Podcasts, and Spotify.

Looking for a different week in the Come Follow Me program? Check out this link to find posts by week: https://autumndickson.com/category/come-follow-me/

Proverbs is full of little bits of wisdom that push us on to paths that can make life easier. Mortal life was never meant to be externally easy, but taking heed of some of these proverbs can help you to escape more difficulty than you would otherwise meet. It likewise puts your heart in a state where you recognize the reality of both your mortality and the eternities ahead.

One of those bits of wisdom is found here.

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. 

When you respond with a soft answer, it can turn away the wrath that approached you.

There is wisdom here, but I want to discuss what it truly means to have a soft answer. I think sometimes people get mixed up in what it means to be Christlike. So before I delve into the definition of a soft answer, I want to give a disclaimer. There is truth in the promises offered by this verse, but it is not absolute. Sometimes we give soft answers and are still scorned and treated poorly. One needs only look at Christ to realize that the wisdom here does not always hold true. Sometimes, even when we’re perfect in our attitude and response, others will still give back hatred.

That doesn’t mean we failed. 

I give this disclaimer because the soft answer that I want to talk about really only functions within a healthy relationship. Sometimes the righteous answer is to walk away from a relationship especially when it’s abusive, but only God can give you the answer as to whether that is your situation. So when we discuss these principles, it’s important to weigh them against your own situation and act accordingly. These are words of wisdom, not absolutes. 

So what is a soft answer?

I want to look at a soft answer in the same light as a soft heart. 

The Lord asks us to have a soft heart. This means that He wants us to be teachable, humble, willing to hear Him and learn about His choices. He wants us to be vulnerable with Him and lean on Him and trust Him and reach out to Him. He wants us to be willing to change. A hard heart is closed off, bitter, prideful, and insensitive to sin and others. 

There are many applications for this. There are so many ways that we could look at examples of how to react when we’re in the heat of the moment. However, I rather teach a guiding principle that can be applied wisely rather than hard fast rules.

Soft answers begin with soft hearts. 

When you are faced with an opportunity to give an answer, it’s not about artfully crafting the right response. It’s not about choosing positive words or putting a criticism in the middle of two compliments. It’s not about blunting the edge of correction. It’s about stepping back and asking yourself where your heart is. 

Do you really love this person you’re about to respond to?

Do you recognize them as a child of God?

Do you want them to have a happy life?

Do you recognize that you would potentially make the same choices and have the same values if you grew up in their position?

If you can answer those questions correctly, you are much more prepared to give a soft answer even if that soft answer includes correction or standing by your beliefs. 

Soft answers are not necessarily manifested in a specific volume; it’s manifested in your attitude towards another person who may be wrongfully accusing you, attacking your character, or spreading misinformation about you. It’s manifested in how you feel about someone you love when you feel betrayed or unloved by them in return. It’s manifested in your generosity with someone who makes your life harder. 

I did not understand this when I was younger. I felt like I gave “nice” responses, but I often found myself in broken relationships or with frustrated friends. 

I remember getting older and going on my mission. Missions are interesting for a lot of reasons but one of those reasons is the fact that you get put into leadership positions very young and are expected to help people reach their full potential. Sometimes that includes correcting others. I remember watching a couple of elders on my mission who could correct other elders without repercussion for the most part. People liked them and listened to them and could be corrected by them without growing defensive.

I remember thinking that I would never be able to do that. 

These principles changed that. When you change your focus, you can often turn away wrath. It’s not about changing your words; it’s about changing your focus.

You stop focusing on how you are being perceived. You stop focusing on how to convince them to do better. You stop focusing on how much they’re making your life harder.

And you focus on them.

It’s that simple. People can feel when you’re just tolerating them and being polite to their face. They can feel your intentions. They can feel when you’re simply focused on yourself. Even if it’s not consciously recognized, they will still feel it and start putting up defenses. 

It’s easy to get hyperfocused on handling your conversations well. It’s easy to hyperfocus on trying to get it right. But honestly, in the end, all that really does is signal to the other person that you’re focused on yourself and it starts you off on the wrong foot immediately.

If you can train yourself to focus on the good of the other person (as Christ teaches), it goes a lot farther in turning away wrath than any artfully crafted words you can possibly string together.

I love Proverbs because they’re full of the wisdom that stems from the teachings of Christ. Christ teaches us to love our fellow brothers and sisters. He is the One who teaches us to focus outward and forget ourselves. The exact application of these teachings brings results, and Proverbs often highlight those results and wisdom. I testify that Christ knows what He’s talking about when He instructs us on how to build happy lives. I testify that forgetting yourself softens others in turn and brings more joy, connection, and happiness into your life.